I got a peek of my life this morning outside of my existential dread and it was pretty nice. Enviable even. I would like it, would be excited to live it, if you told me about it.
I've been volunteering occasionally with a group of friends who cooks and distributes how breakfast and lunches in MacArthur Park. Sophia Benoit, who I follow on Twitter, retweeted an event flier for it. I don't know Sophia. I don't know if Sophia personally knows Eva, the contact for the group, but MacArthur Park is near my apartment downtown, and homelessness is a heavy feature of this area. I signed up. The group isn't even organized under a name. Eva said they're just a group of friends helping out. Eva does this as her full-time job, getting support on Patreon for her living expenses. She looks young, in her thirties, but she has a teenaged daughter, so she might be older. The group feeds hundreds of people every week, and does special events -- with hair cuts and first aid supplies and the like -- once a month. They started by just doing a meal-swap thing amongst themselves. They were really proud of the food they were making and were making it in big quanti
I feel terrible today. I hit a crying jag last night. I didn't know it was coming. I felt like my whole life had been pointless. Like I really made a bollix of everything. Of everything! (Bollix because I've been reading a lot of Roddy Doyle books.) I had to get to a research study at UCLA at 8am this morning. So between waking up early and staying up late crying, I feel horrible today. Like shit. The research study was for PTSD. It was one of the ones that pays alright. $245 all in. All you have to do is tell them about your traumatic history, your symptoms and then come in for a lab visit. They took some blood and some pee. They gave my arm a sonagram while using a cuff to contract my blood vessels. (The study is about what stress over time does to your veins.) Then they followed my eyes while I looked at different faces with different expressions. They definitely didn't hire actors or photographers to get those. I didn't believe the people's emotions for a secon
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